Well, I understand now why my oncologist didn't want to review a chemotherapy schedule with me over the phone on Friday -- the regime he has me on is very aggressive and very long.
We talked about this "new" cancer before we talked about chemo options. We all are pretty much in agreement that this cancer was in the breast (but undetected) the first time that I had treatment. We had theorized this on our own, but the Harvard pathologist said the "new" cancer showed signs of previous systematic treatment (chemotherapy/radiation), and this led him to believe it could have been there two years ago.
Mammograms and MRIs are NOT perfect...
The size of my cancer keeps growing -- thankfully it is out of my body and now just a discussion on path reports.... When the cancer was first found in April, they said it was "nothing" -- precancer, Stage 0. After my surgery, the surgeon said they found "about" a 1 cm amount of real cancer. She and I were both stunned. This report didn't satisfy my oncologist -- he had it sent back within his hospital path department for a second review, who concluded "about" 2 cm. Finally, it went to Harvard, who said the exact amount could be "anywhere around" 2-4 cm. At some point, all this discussion becomes academic. The bottom line is that this cancer has to be treated (chemo), and it has to be hit fast and hard!
So... we discussed chemo options. A brand new drug, specific for triple negatives, has come out in the last year (Ixempra). It shows promise, but it is not "proven" enough in my oncologists mind and he was hesitant to use it. Had I stayed at the 1 cm size for the cancer, he said he probably would have gone ahead with the new drug. Given what we know about the size of my cancer, and that my previous cancer had a "partial" response (sounds bad, but its actually a good thing) to the previous chemo regime, he recommended repeating what I had done a couple of years ago. With some tweaking.
So... I will get 4 doses of two drugs (Taxol and Gemzar) every 3 weeks. In between doses, I'll get a single dose of just Gemzar. After these drugs are finished (around Labor Day weekend), I'll start a second combination of drugs (Adriamycian and Cytoxan) that will be given 3-4 times every 2 weeks. This will end sometime mid-October.
So... yesterday, I had my first treatment of Taxol/Gemzar. It has to be given through an IV in my arm, since my "medi-port" was removed in November. Unfortunately, we have decided that I should have a port put in again (this makes given the chemo drugs sooo much easier) because my veins are so hard to find (it took them half-an-hour), and because two of the drugs (Gemzar and Adriamycian) are so hard on my veins. The tough part will be keeping my white blood counts high enough for me to get through a surgery.
This sounds complicated, but it is amazingly "normal" to me. I've been living cancer in some fashion for almost the last two years. What bugs me about the treatments is how much TIME they rob from my life. And there is no eloquent way to say that it really stinks that I'll lose my hair again! And, I hate not being at work -- I really enjoy my job at the library. I could possibly work on my "good" days, but I don't know how reliable I'll be during chemo and I also don't want to be exposed to every patron's potential virus or illness. I need to be focused on getting better. It will take a lot of time already -- making myself sicker in the process is just detrimental in the long run.
So, it looks like my life (and my family's life) is a little more on hold again. It will be different this time around... Shane is driving, so that will be helpful. Some of the treatment can be done in Midland instead of only at Royal Oak, so that helps. And, until the kids are back in school, we have some flexibility in our schedule with them. We have more options for leaving the older boys at home and finding friends for Liam is not a problem. Having meals again would be helpful, like we did last time. I'll add some information on my webpage about that.
Neither Paul nor I understand this at all. I've kept up with some of breast cancer histories, so I know that I'm not really that unusual to have a recurrence and that I'm lucky it didn't come somewhere like bone, liver or lungs. In all practical terms, it didn't really come back -- it was just never taken away. We just both thought we were moving on, and now this brings life back to an almost-screeching halt again. He is really feeling the brunt of it all -- it is manageable to support a person through a first round of cancer, but then when it's over you are so relieved. To have it come back again is just overwhelming. For me, as the patient, all of my responsibilities have essentially stopped. For him, as the main parent, all of his responsibilities are just that much more critical. If you say prayers for me, please always remember a couple for him, too...
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