... and I'm pleased and relieved and overjoyed to post that he said "Cured!," not cancer!
It has been four years since my second diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer. Being cancer free for that period of time allows my oncologist to say he considers me cured!
I am thankful for my family and medical care, but I am also abundantly aware it is GOD's mercy and grace for which I should be most thankful. My goal has been, and continues to be, to live a life that glorifies Him. I fall short more days than not, but I am a work in progress. I praise GOD for His love and healing in my life.
May He be glorified.
LORD my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me.
O LORD, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive,
that I should not go down to the pit. ~ Psalm 30:2-3
He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many with
me. ~ Psalm 55:18
Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. ~ Psalm 103:2-5
Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten
by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our
iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. ~Isaiah 53:4-5
Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of
peace and truth. ~ Jeremiah 33:6
Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And
your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. ~ Isaiah 58:8
Then great multitudes came to Him, having with them the lame, blind, mute, maimed, and many
others; and they laid them down at Jesus' feet, and He healed them. ~ Matthew 15:30
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
A Birthday Card from God
Sunday was my 45th birthday. I celebrated it in good health, and with Paul and our three boys along -- all things which I have learned to never again take for granted. My health is obviously something that isn't to be taken for granted. And, as the boys get older I anticipate they may not always be close by for family celebrations.
My birthday was on a sweltering hot day. Paul and I spent the better part of it with Liam's all-star little league team -- they won their afternoon game, and the team had an impromptu pool party afterward. That same evening, our family went to Genghi's Steakhouse for dinner, and despite the groans of my guys, we had the this picture taken.
At dinner I tried to share something special about my day. My guys were skeptical and wrote it off as "concidence," but I am not deterred. I think of it as my "birthday card from God."
Let me explain...
More than once, I have likened my cancer walk to Peter's journey in Matthew 14:29-30. As Peter kept his eyes on Christ, he was able to literally walk on water. Through Peter's faith and obedience, the LORD worked a miracle in his life.
By the same token, when Peter took his eyes off Christ and turned his attention to the the circumstances in his life (i.e. the wind), he became fearful and started to sink. In that moment, the LORD was immediately faithful. Scripture tells us that Jesus "immediately reached out his hand and caught him (Peter)."
I realize from this story that God is not offended or limited by our fear. He wants each of us to walk on our own lake of water. And we can do this, secure in the knowledge that He stays close by and ready to reach out His hand if we falter.
But I digress.... the point of this story has been my "birthday card from God."
This summer I've used the Reading Plan from my Life Application Study Bible to guide my morning quiet time. The reading plan lists a different scripture each day, and right now the stories are switching back and forth between the four gospels. They're all familiar stories, but I never know which one I'll read until I actually sit down in the morning for my QT.
On the morning of my birthday, before we left the house for church, I read Matthew 14:13-36. This passage contains three separate stories, and it took me a few minutes to realize that the middle story was the one of Jesus Walking on the Water.
In that moment, I recalled -- for the first time in many months -- how signficant this passage has been in my life. Indeed, it was so important to me that it became part of this url/title of my blog.
And in that moment, I felt that God was saying, "I'm right here. I've got the wind. You just keep your eyes on Me."
It is a message I really needed. I treasure that quiet time as one of the coolest birthday cards I've ever received...
At dinner I tried to share something special about my day. My guys were skeptical and wrote it off as "concidence," but I am not deterred. I think of it as my "birthday card from God."
Let me explain...
More than once, I have likened my cancer walk to Peter's journey in Matthew 14:29-30. As Peter kept his eyes on Christ, he was able to literally walk on water. Through Peter's faith and obedience, the LORD worked a miracle in his life.
By the same token, when Peter took his eyes off Christ and turned his attention to the the circumstances in his life (i.e. the wind), he became fearful and started to sink. In that moment, the LORD was immediately faithful. Scripture tells us that Jesus "immediately reached out his hand and caught him (Peter)."
I realize from this story that God is not offended or limited by our fear. He wants each of us to walk on our own lake of water. And we can do this, secure in the knowledge that He stays close by and ready to reach out His hand if we falter.
But I digress.... the point of this story has been my "birthday card from God."
This summer I've used the Reading Plan from my Life Application Study Bible to guide my morning quiet time. The reading plan lists a different scripture each day, and right now the stories are switching back and forth between the four gospels. They're all familiar stories, but I never know which one I'll read until I actually sit down in the morning for my QT.
On the morning of my birthday, before we left the house for church, I read Matthew 14:13-36. This passage contains three separate stories, and it took me a few minutes to realize that the middle story was the one of Jesus Walking on the Water.
In that moment, I recalled -- for the first time in many months -- how signficant this passage has been in my life. Indeed, it was so important to me that it became part of this url/title of my blog.
And in that moment, I felt that God was saying, "I'm right here. I've got the wind. You just keep your eyes on Me."
It is a message I really needed. I treasure that quiet time as one of the coolest birthday cards I've ever received...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
What a Difference a Year Makes
So far, so good.... This time last year, I was in the hospital with low blood counts and an infection called Pseudomonas... I was on IV antibiotics for a month.... was taken off a chemotherapy (Carboplatin) because my blood counts were too low, only to find out later that it is THE drug that researchers believe really kicks my cancer's butt.... I hadn't had any scans or follow up tests, so the question of whether the cancer had spread was first and foremost in my mind.
That was a year ago.
Today, life has done a complete 360: all of my scans and tests this summer showed NED (No Evidence of Disease). My blood counts are on the low end of a normal scale, but they are holding their own and doctors aren't even suggesting transfusions anymore. And although I get tired, it is not the "cancer fatigue" that I remember from my days of pre-diagnosis. I suspect it is an after-affect of treatment kind of tired and even (dare I say it?) a tiredness related to simply getting older.
It could all change in a moment -- I know that. When I start to worry, I work hard to remind myself that everything is fine now and to enjoy the moment. Self-talk, as they call it. I have tests coming up (an MRI on 10/26 and mammogram on 11/3). That always increases the anxiety, but I honestly am hopeful for good news from both tests. The greatest health issues before me are how to lose weight... how to MAKE time for daily walks and quiet time. And, can I please find someone to come and SHOVEL OUT MY HOUSE. One thing people don't realize about cancer treatment is that your life stops, but the accumulation of stuff by your kids and spouse does not.... :-) (Yes, I'm guilty too.... )
My heart breaks for people and families who have a recent diagnosis. I try to listen and encourage and help all that I can. But I also accept that for whatever reason, this is God's best for them in the moment. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but as time passes and you look back, you are blessed if you can find His footprints in your walk. Cancer brings a new normal, and it brings constant challenges/decisions. But, it can also bring His blessing if you let Him know how you are hurting. God cannot comfort you if you will not open the door to Him.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
That was a year ago.
Today, life has done a complete 360: all of my scans and tests this summer showed NED (No Evidence of Disease). My blood counts are on the low end of a normal scale, but they are holding their own and doctors aren't even suggesting transfusions anymore. And although I get tired, it is not the "cancer fatigue" that I remember from my days of pre-diagnosis. I suspect it is an after-affect of treatment kind of tired and even (dare I say it?) a tiredness related to simply getting older.
It could all change in a moment -- I know that. When I start to worry, I work hard to remind myself that everything is fine now and to enjoy the moment. Self-talk, as they call it. I have tests coming up (an MRI on 10/26 and mammogram on 11/3). That always increases the anxiety, but I honestly am hopeful for good news from both tests. The greatest health issues before me are how to lose weight... how to MAKE time for daily walks and quiet time. And, can I please find someone to come and SHOVEL OUT MY HOUSE. One thing people don't realize about cancer treatment is that your life stops, but the accumulation of stuff by your kids and spouse does not.... :-) (Yes, I'm guilty too.... )
My heart breaks for people and families who have a recent diagnosis. I try to listen and encourage and help all that I can. But I also accept that for whatever reason, this is God's best for them in the moment. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but as time passes and you look back, you are blessed if you can find His footprints in your walk. Cancer brings a new normal, and it brings constant challenges/decisions. But, it can also bring His blessing if you let Him know how you are hurting. God cannot comfort you if you will not open the door to Him.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Thursday, August 7, 2008
He Says, She Says....
Just before my surgery in May, I found a prayer journal in our local Christian bookshop. I use it each week, moving new requests from last week to on-going requests for next week. The journal has a place for answered prayers and praises, and, just on my own, I've been collecting encouraging Bible verses and quotations that I come across. This is the first time in my life I've been intentional about keeping track of prayer requests and answers to prayer. It has been a really interesting activity. One of the Bible verses that I've written in this week's journal is Psalm 112:7:
He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
This is surely a verse that God knew I would need for my consultation with Dr. Kathy Miller on Wednesday morning. Both of my sisters went with me, and Paul was able to listen to the doctor's comments via my cell phone. She spent probably about 45 minutes with me, and essentially told me to give up chemotherapy now because she was 95% certain that I would develop metastatic (incurable) cancer within the next 1-2 years. I shouldn't "waste" my good time now feeling badly from unnecessary and unhelpful chemo. She was kind and compassionate as she offered this news, but definite. In her mind, my future is short and it is grim.
Wow... Somehow my sisters and I were able to eat lunch afterward. Each bite was a heavy one. We discussed how in the world I would break this news to the rest of my family and to our boys?? Paul left his office, and went home to telephone his family and regroup. I also called my Beaumont oncologist to let him know that Dr. Miller would be calling him, and that her "treatment plan" was radically different than his. If he could talk to her before our appointment with him on Monday, that would be great.
He called me at my parents home that same night.
God bless him -- he was as upbeat and hopeful as she was grim.
By the time he called me, he had already talked to Dr. Miller, and he said he completely disagreed with her assessment. Her job is deal with metastatic (incurable) disease, and his job is to do whatever necessary to make sure his patients do not progress that far. He said he felt "strongly" that the chemo drugs I am on now are a good strategy and that we should stay the course. I said I would continue the chemo that has already started. He also suggested (to Paul in a separate phone call) that I buy a stack of post cards -- presumably to mail out one each year to Kathy Miller!
So, who is right and who is wrong? Only time will tell. Only God knows.
But I'm not the kind of person who is just willing to lay down and die. To end chemo now because it might not work seems like a defeatist attitude. One of my favorite quotes is from the Introduction of a book by Sue Buchanan entitled I'm Alive and the Doctor's Dead:
"The computer (or statistics or expert doctor or...) doesn't know you. It doesn't know how often you laugh or cry or that you have spunk. It doesn't know about the support of your family and friends and how well you're loved; whether or not you're prayed for isn't taking into consideration by the statisticians. And no matter how many mega-giga-humonga-bytes-bits-RAM the computer may contain, it simply isn't capable of computing the fact that -- are you ready for this? -- the God of the universe has a timetable for your life and mine! Yea! Rah! Cheers! Maybe a hallelujah or two!"
My future is unknown to me, but it is secure in God's hands. That is what He wanted me to remember with Psalm 112:7. I'm not unrealistic -- my time with my family might be very short. I might never see my kids graduate or hold my grandchildren. God forbid, Paul might retire as a widow. But I am also not giving up -- I'll continue with a doctor who has hope and who gives me hope. I can make better diet/exercise choices. I'll try to live each day fully and completely. It is all in God's hands. He is the true expert.
He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
This is surely a verse that God knew I would need for my consultation with Dr. Kathy Miller on Wednesday morning. Both of my sisters went with me, and Paul was able to listen to the doctor's comments via my cell phone. She spent probably about 45 minutes with me, and essentially told me to give up chemotherapy now because she was 95% certain that I would develop metastatic (incurable) cancer within the next 1-2 years. I shouldn't "waste" my good time now feeling badly from unnecessary and unhelpful chemo. She was kind and compassionate as she offered this news, but definite. In her mind, my future is short and it is grim.
Wow... Somehow my sisters and I were able to eat lunch afterward. Each bite was a heavy one. We discussed how in the world I would break this news to the rest of my family and to our boys?? Paul left his office, and went home to telephone his family and regroup. I also called my Beaumont oncologist to let him know that Dr. Miller would be calling him, and that her "treatment plan" was radically different than his. If he could talk to her before our appointment with him on Monday, that would be great.
He called me at my parents home that same night.
God bless him -- he was as upbeat and hopeful as she was grim.
By the time he called me, he had already talked to Dr. Miller, and he said he completely disagreed with her assessment. Her job is deal with metastatic (incurable) disease, and his job is to do whatever necessary to make sure his patients do not progress that far. He said he felt "strongly" that the chemo drugs I am on now are a good strategy and that we should stay the course. I said I would continue the chemo that has already started. He also suggested (to Paul in a separate phone call) that I buy a stack of post cards -- presumably to mail out one each year to Kathy Miller!
So, who is right and who is wrong? Only time will tell. Only God knows.
But I'm not the kind of person who is just willing to lay down and die. To end chemo now because it might not work seems like a defeatist attitude. One of my favorite quotes is from the Introduction of a book by Sue Buchanan entitled I'm Alive and the Doctor's Dead:
"The computer (or statistics or expert doctor or...) doesn't know you. It doesn't know how often you laugh or cry or that you have spunk. It doesn't know about the support of your family and friends and how well you're loved; whether or not you're prayed for isn't taking into consideration by the statisticians. And no matter how many mega-giga-humonga-bytes-bits-RAM the computer may contain, it simply isn't capable of computing the fact that -- are you ready for this? -- the God of the universe has a timetable for your life and mine! Yea! Rah! Cheers! Maybe a hallelujah or two!"
My future is unknown to me, but it is secure in God's hands. That is what He wanted me to remember with Psalm 112:7. I'm not unrealistic -- my time with my family might be very short. I might never see my kids graduate or hold my grandchildren. God forbid, Paul might retire as a widow. But I am also not giving up -- I'll continue with a doctor who has hope and who gives me hope. I can make better diet/exercise choices. I'll try to live each day fully and completely. It is all in God's hands. He is the true expert.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Never a Dull Moment.....
Well, the saga with Dr. Kathy Miller continues. Initially, I had an appointment set up for Wednesday, July 23. I rescheduled this to July 30 to better accommodate Paul's work schedule. But tonight, my mom talked me through the fact that the 30th is right after a chemo day for me, and she is worried that chemo and a 5-6 hour drive all in one day will make me exhausted for a meeting with Dr. Miller the next day. She's right, of course. So, Monday I'll call and see if I can reschedule for Wednesday or Thursday of the next week. That will be a "rest week" for my chemo anyway, so it will probably be better in the long run.
Yesterday (Friday) I had a small trip to the Emergency Room. I woke up Thursday morning with bruising all along my leg, between the knee and ankle. That part of my legs had been very tender because of the chemo, so I had been careful not to put any pressure on my legs there. Not even crossing my ankles when sitting in a lounge chair, or anything like that. So the bruising was a surprise/worry. Paul encouraged me to call my doctor to check on this Friday morning, and when we didn't get a call back by evening, he said I should call the doctor on-call. That doctor has never met and doesn't know my history, so he said to go to the ER for a complete blood count (CBC). He suspected a problem with my platelets because of the chemo.
I don't know if you've had experience with Midland ER, but I can't sing their praises high enough! The nurse who registered me refused to check me in as a normal patient -- "You'll be here all night," was her explanation. Instead, she arranged for me to sit in the ER quiet room, completely away from all the other people in the ER waiting area, and had the laboratory cart come to me in the waiting room.
We waited until about 8:30 p.m., at which time they hand delivered me the lab results AND my actual oncologist called me back. He apparently had been making patient phone calls all evening, and was just getting to me by about that point. I have to believe that God was in the timing of it all -- how coincidental is it to have lab results and my oncologist phone call within 2-3 minutes of each other?
At any rate, he confirmed that my platelet count was low, but not low enough to be alarming. He said he would have expected the bruising and tenderness that I had, and he apologized that his colleague had suggested the ER. I think he would have talked me through it more as a normal side affect, and not something that had to be checked immediately. I was just so happy that I didn't have to stay in the hospital for a transfusion of any kind!
And I feel sorry for my doctor for still having phone calls at 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night...
Yesterday (Friday) I had a small trip to the Emergency Room. I woke up Thursday morning with bruising all along my leg, between the knee and ankle. That part of my legs had been very tender because of the chemo, so I had been careful not to put any pressure on my legs there. Not even crossing my ankles when sitting in a lounge chair, or anything like that. So the bruising was a surprise/worry. Paul encouraged me to call my doctor to check on this Friday morning, and when we didn't get a call back by evening, he said I should call the doctor on-call. That doctor has never met and doesn't know my history, so he said to go to the ER for a complete blood count (CBC). He suspected a problem with my platelets because of the chemo.
I don't know if you've had experience with Midland ER, but I can't sing their praises high enough! The nurse who registered me refused to check me in as a normal patient -- "You'll be here all night," was her explanation. Instead, she arranged for me to sit in the ER quiet room, completely away from all the other people in the ER waiting area, and had the laboratory cart come to me in the waiting room.
We waited until about 8:30 p.m., at which time they hand delivered me the lab results AND my actual oncologist called me back. He apparently had been making patient phone calls all evening, and was just getting to me by about that point. I have to believe that God was in the timing of it all -- how coincidental is it to have lab results and my oncologist phone call within 2-3 minutes of each other?
At any rate, he confirmed that my platelet count was low, but not low enough to be alarming. He said he would have expected the bruising and tenderness that I had, and he apologized that his colleague had suggested the ER. I think he would have talked me through it more as a normal side affect, and not something that had to be checked immediately. I was just so happy that I didn't have to stay in the hospital for a transfusion of any kind!
And I feel sorry for my doctor for still having phone calls at 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
A Second Opinion for a Second Time
Paul and I are finding ourselves at another "fork in the road" related to my treatment. We both have had the nagging feeling that we need to do more... research more... for my treatment. We talked about this at lunch today, and we are moving forward.
We trust my oncologist, but we also realize he is not a breast cancer specialist; nor does he specialize in triple negative breast cancer. There are doctors in the field who are that specialized, and we're to the point where we want to see one of them. If only to confirm that the course of treatment that I am currently on is a good one for me.
Seeking a second opinion makes me feel disloyal to my current oncologist. It worries me that it will strain the relationship that we have with him, and I don't want that. But, it is reckless to ignore that doctors specialize in my specific kind of cancer. To have access to them and to not pursue them would be unbearable if my cancer progresses.
So... the name that keeps coming to mind is Dr. Kathy Miller, at the IU Med Center in Indianapolis. She has extensively written/researched triple negative breast cancer. My current oncologist actually referenced one of her studies as rationale for the chemotherapy that I am using now. And, conveniently, her office is within a couple of hours of my parent's house in Indiana.
So, after lunch I got on the internet and found the telephone number for the IU Med Center Oncology office. I asked if anyone in their office specialized in triple negative breast cancer, and I was stunned to hear her say it would be Kathy Miller and that I could set up a consultation -- I thought for sure that Dr. Miller would be "too high up" to take on new patients. But, her nurse is supposed to be calling me back to take a history and set up the next step. Every time the phone rings I have jumped at it, just like a teenager!
It boggles my mind that the potential for expert opinion on my case has been only a phone call away.... That I made the idea of calling another doctor something so "big" in my mind that I wasn't even sure how to do it. I guess in a way, this phone call was a little bit of "water walking" for me -- I wasn't sure I could do it, but God has at least made the path a straight one for me: to know about this doctor, and to have her specifically recommended to me after the first phone call -- the road does not get any straighter than that.
I'll write again once I hear back from her office and know more. Please continue to pray for direction and wisdom. I think this is a potential turning point for my treatment.
We trust my oncologist, but we also realize he is not a breast cancer specialist; nor does he specialize in triple negative breast cancer. There are doctors in the field who are that specialized, and we're to the point where we want to see one of them. If only to confirm that the course of treatment that I am currently on is a good one for me.
Seeking a second opinion makes me feel disloyal to my current oncologist. It worries me that it will strain the relationship that we have with him, and I don't want that. But, it is reckless to ignore that doctors specialize in my specific kind of cancer. To have access to them and to not pursue them would be unbearable if my cancer progresses.
So... the name that keeps coming to mind is Dr. Kathy Miller, at the IU Med Center in Indianapolis. She has extensively written/researched triple negative breast cancer. My current oncologist actually referenced one of her studies as rationale for the chemotherapy that I am using now. And, conveniently, her office is within a couple of hours of my parent's house in Indiana.
So, after lunch I got on the internet and found the telephone number for the IU Med Center Oncology office. I asked if anyone in their office specialized in triple negative breast cancer, and I was stunned to hear her say it would be Kathy Miller and that I could set up a consultation -- I thought for sure that Dr. Miller would be "too high up" to take on new patients. But, her nurse is supposed to be calling me back to take a history and set up the next step. Every time the phone rings I have jumped at it, just like a teenager!
It boggles my mind that the potential for expert opinion on my case has been only a phone call away.... That I made the idea of calling another doctor something so "big" in my mind that I wasn't even sure how to do it. I guess in a way, this phone call was a little bit of "water walking" for me -- I wasn't sure I could do it, but God has at least made the path a straight one for me: to know about this doctor, and to have her specifically recommended to me after the first phone call -- the road does not get any straighter than that.
I'll write again once I hear back from her office and know more. Please continue to pray for direction and wisdom. I think this is a potential turning point for my treatment.
Friday, June 27, 2008
In for a Rougher Ride?
My oncologist called tonight to give me the results of my pathology report. (That's never a very good sign.)
My path slides were actually sent to Harvard instead of MD Anderson. I don't know why, and I don't really care why -- both are very reputable hospitals.
At any rate, Harvard confirmed that I have more invasive cancer than previously thought... My oncologist will talk to me about treatment options on Monday and start treatment then too. I think he wanted to confirm the information with me, give me a chance to digest it over the weekend and then talk "shop" more easily on Monday. I was expecting to start some form of chemotherapy on Monday anyway -- now it might be harsher drugs and/or for a longer treatment period? I really don't know.
Prognosis-wise, this doesn't really change anything. It is concerning that the cancer is as fast growing as it has been. It has been a very sneaky cancer.
But, the doctors consistently think that this is cancer that was there before -- that it was not mature enough to respond to the chemotherapy, and (since it was no where close to my lumpectomy site) it was not removed surgically. If I could go back, I would definitely choose a different treatment option, but I am different person now, too. Much more informed, much stronger. I wasn't ready for a mastectomy 2 years ago. Such is life.
So now what?
Philippians 4:8 says: Finally dear brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
What I know to be true is that (1) cancer has NOT been found anywhere else in my body besides the breast; that is excellent news! (2) I have a good relationship with my medical team and confidence in them. When they need more information, they do things like send my slides to other hospitals. They're aggressive in treatment, willing to answer questions, and to make Friday evening phone calls. I'm blessed. (3) Finally, God is in control of my situation. I might not like the ride that I'm on, but He's with me and watching over me.
All of these things are true. I will choose to think on them, and I will get through this. It will just be a little more work than we had initially thought...
My path slides were actually sent to Harvard instead of MD Anderson. I don't know why, and I don't really care why -- both are very reputable hospitals.
At any rate, Harvard confirmed that I have more invasive cancer than previously thought... My oncologist will talk to me about treatment options on Monday and start treatment then too. I think he wanted to confirm the information with me, give me a chance to digest it over the weekend and then talk "shop" more easily on Monday. I was expecting to start some form of chemotherapy on Monday anyway -- now it might be harsher drugs and/or for a longer treatment period? I really don't know.
Prognosis-wise, this doesn't really change anything. It is concerning that the cancer is as fast growing as it has been. It has been a very sneaky cancer.
But, the doctors consistently think that this is cancer that was there before -- that it was not mature enough to respond to the chemotherapy, and (since it was no where close to my lumpectomy site) it was not removed surgically. If I could go back, I would definitely choose a different treatment option, but I am different person now, too. Much more informed, much stronger. I wasn't ready for a mastectomy 2 years ago. Such is life.
So now what?
Philippians 4:8 says: Finally dear brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
What I know to be true is that (1) cancer has NOT been found anywhere else in my body besides the breast; that is excellent news! (2) I have a good relationship with my medical team and confidence in them. When they need more information, they do things like send my slides to other hospitals. They're aggressive in treatment, willing to answer questions, and to make Friday evening phone calls. I'm blessed. (3) Finally, God is in control of my situation. I might not like the ride that I'm on, but He's with me and watching over me.
All of these things are true. I will choose to think on them, and I will get through this. It will just be a little more work than we had initially thought...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The saga continues....
This is the first post to yet another "update" website. I like this format better -- mainly because it does not have any irritating advertisements or surveys to bother people! :-)
My cancer journey has been a "good news, bad news" kind of saga. The bad news of course is that my recurrence happened so quickly. Less than a year after my standard treatment ended. We knew that my cancer ("triple negative") had a high recurrence rate (due to the lack of meds available for it?), but we have been literally stunned that it came back so quickly.
The good news is that it appears we caught the recurrence before it had a chance to move elsewhere in my body. My bone and CT scans were all "clean." My lymph nodes were removed from my previous treatment, but the cancer can still move elsewhere in my body through the blood vessels. The safest course of action is do chemotherapy again. My oncologist is considering a new drug, approved late 2007, which has shown to be helpful with my cancer.
But, cancer treatment never moves very quickly. I talked to my oncologist on the phone last night, and he said the pathologists are still having a hard time with my cancer -- trying to determine how much is "precancer" versus full grown cancer. I asked my oncologist about getting a second opinion, about going to a center that deals only with breast cancer. He answered that instead of doing that, he'd rather send my tissue samples to M.D. Andersen and get their opinion.
Long pause.
"You can do that? Without me having to travel to TX?" (and uproot my family and spend our family savings and... )
"Sure. In fact, I'd feel best about doing that. Why don't we do that? I'll get it set up and ready to go tomorrow."
Another long pause.
Wow.
So now my tissue samples are being sent to one of the best cancer center treatments in the country, for their analysis and recommendation. A second, stunning moment for me!
In the meantime, I am setting up appointments to meet with oncologists here in Midland -- the bulk of my treatment will still be in Royal Oak, but some of it (follow up shots) will be done here at home. Hopefully, a good compromise for my health and our family schedule.
God is surely in the details of my situation. Just when I thought we had one defined course of action, He opens the door to another set of experts and treatment possibilities. It makes me feel more hopeful -- to have the folks at M.D. Andersen look at my tissue samples, and for the treatment discussions/decisions it might influence. If only to confirm that the course of treatment we are considering is the best -- that will help bring a more complete sense of peace to me in this situation.
We all have said it at one time or another -- myself, Paul and my oncologist -- that more needs to be learned about treating triple negative breast cancer. Treatment decisions at this point are very random (think "Wheel of Fortune"). I feel much better to think that God is the one spinning the wheel.
I'd like to buy a vowel, please...
My cancer journey has been a "good news, bad news" kind of saga. The bad news of course is that my recurrence happened so quickly. Less than a year after my standard treatment ended. We knew that my cancer ("triple negative") had a high recurrence rate (due to the lack of meds available for it?), but we have been literally stunned that it came back so quickly.
The good news is that it appears we caught the recurrence before it had a chance to move elsewhere in my body. My bone and CT scans were all "clean." My lymph nodes were removed from my previous treatment, but the cancer can still move elsewhere in my body through the blood vessels. The safest course of action is do chemotherapy again. My oncologist is considering a new drug, approved late 2007, which has shown to be helpful with my cancer.
But, cancer treatment never moves very quickly. I talked to my oncologist on the phone last night, and he said the pathologists are still having a hard time with my cancer -- trying to determine how much is "precancer" versus full grown cancer. I asked my oncologist about getting a second opinion, about going to a center that deals only with breast cancer. He answered that instead of doing that, he'd rather send my tissue samples to M.D. Andersen and get their opinion.
Long pause.
"You can do that? Without me having to travel to TX?" (and uproot my family and spend our family savings and... )
"Sure. In fact, I'd feel best about doing that. Why don't we do that? I'll get it set up and ready to go tomorrow."
Another long pause.
Wow.
So now my tissue samples are being sent to one of the best cancer center treatments in the country, for their analysis and recommendation. A second, stunning moment for me!
In the meantime, I am setting up appointments to meet with oncologists here in Midland -- the bulk of my treatment will still be in Royal Oak, but some of it (follow up shots) will be done here at home. Hopefully, a good compromise for my health and our family schedule.
God is surely in the details of my situation. Just when I thought we had one defined course of action, He opens the door to another set of experts and treatment possibilities. It makes me feel more hopeful -- to have the folks at M.D. Andersen look at my tissue samples, and for the treatment discussions/decisions it might influence. If only to confirm that the course of treatment we are considering is the best -- that will help bring a more complete sense of peace to me in this situation.
We all have said it at one time or another -- myself, Paul and my oncologist -- that more needs to be learned about treating triple negative breast cancer. Treatment decisions at this point are very random (think "Wheel of Fortune"). I feel much better to think that God is the one spinning the wheel.
I'd like to buy a vowel, please...
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