So far, so good.... This time last year, I was in the hospital with low blood counts and an infection called Pseudomonas... I was on IV antibiotics for a month.... was taken off a chemotherapy (Carboplatin) because my blood counts were too low, only to find out later that it is THE drug that researchers believe really kicks my cancer's butt.... I hadn't had any scans or follow up tests, so the question of whether the cancer had spread was first and foremost in my mind.
That was a year ago.
Today, life has done a complete 360: all of my scans and tests this summer showed NED (No Evidence of Disease). My blood counts are on the low end of a normal scale, but they are holding their own and doctors aren't even suggesting transfusions anymore. And although I get tired, it is not the "cancer fatigue" that I remember from my days of pre-diagnosis. I suspect it is an after-affect of treatment kind of tired and even (dare I say it?) a tiredness related to simply getting older.
It could all change in a moment -- I know that. When I start to worry, I work hard to remind myself that everything is fine now and to enjoy the moment. Self-talk, as they call it. I have tests coming up (an MRI on 10/26 and mammogram on 11/3). That always increases the anxiety, but I honestly am hopeful for good news from both tests. The greatest health issues before me are how to lose weight... how to MAKE time for daily walks and quiet time. And, can I please find someone to come and SHOVEL OUT MY HOUSE. One thing people don't realize about cancer treatment is that your life stops, but the accumulation of stuff by your kids and spouse does not.... :-) (Yes, I'm guilty too.... )
My heart breaks for people and families who have a recent diagnosis. I try to listen and encourage and help all that I can. But I also accept that for whatever reason, this is God's best for them in the moment. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but as time passes and you look back, you are blessed if you can find His footprints in your walk. Cancer brings a new normal, and it brings constant challenges/decisions. But, it can also bring His blessing if you let Him know how you are hurting. God cannot comfort you if you will not open the door to Him.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
3 comments:
Long time no see, Joan.
Do you remember me?
I read this article, and am pleased very much.
I'm also NED.
"What's done can't be undone" but
"What's undone can't be done"
I think you did your best of best.
See you.
Tofu.... I do remember you! And am so glad to hear that you are doing well, too! We both have done our best, yes?
Blessings to you, Joan
Yes, yes, yes.
God bless you, too.
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