What a Difference a Year Makes

So far, so good.... This time last year, I was in the hospital with low blood counts and an infection called Pseudomonas... I was on IV antibiotics for a month.... was taken off a chemotherapy (Carboplatin) because my blood counts were too low, only to find out later that it is THE drug that researchers believe really kicks my cancer's butt.... I hadn't had any scans or follow up tests, so the question of whether the cancer had spread was first and foremost in my mind.

That was a year ago.

Today, life has done a complete 360: all of my scans and tests this summer showed NED (No Evidence of Disease). My blood counts are on the low end of a normal scale, but they are holding their own and doctors aren't even suggesting transfusions anymore. And although I get tired, it is not the "cancer fatigue" that I remember from my days of pre-diagnosis. I suspect it is an after-affect of treatment kind of tired and even (dare I say it?) a tiredness related to simply getting older.

It could all change in a moment -- I know that. When I start to worry, I work hard to remind myself that everything is fine now and to enjoy the moment. Self-talk, as they call it. I have tests coming up (an MRI on 10/26 and mammogram on 11/3). That always increases the anxiety, but I honestly am hopeful for good news from both tests. The greatest health issues before me are how to lose weight... how to MAKE time for daily walks and quiet time. And, can I please find someone to come and SHOVEL OUT MY HOUSE. One thing people don't realize about cancer treatment is that your life stops, but the accumulation of stuff by your kids and spouse does not.... :-) (Yes, I'm guilty too.... )

My heart breaks for people and families who have a recent diagnosis. I try to listen and encourage and help all that I can. But I also accept that for whatever reason, this is God's best for them in the moment. It doesn't feel that way at the time, but as time passes and you look back, you are blessed if you can find His footprints in your walk. Cancer brings a new normal, and it brings constant challenges/decisions. But, it can also bring His blessing if you let Him know how you are hurting. God cannot comfort you if you will not open the door to Him.


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

This is Another Technical One....

Before I start writing anything more, I want to tell you that my hemoglobin count (iron) went up this week from 2 weeks ago! The normal range for hemoglobin is 10-12; my count went up from 9.3 to 9.7. This still puts me on the low end of normal, but it is a move in the right direction! Thank you to those of you have been praying about this and/or have made food suggestions! It is definitely a praise issue, and I apologize that I forgot to mention it in the earlier posting.

The real reason for my post today.... I've been thinking about my doctor's suggestion for the drug carboplatin, and I've decided that I don't need to do much research about this. It is a good recommendation. For several reasons.

Understandably, I have been praying about a right treatment decision from my oncologist. I have a sense that God really answered that prayer yesterday. First (and I admit, subjectively), my oncologist's demeanor about a treatment decision has really changed. For several weeks he's gone back and forth with options, and has been open that he is not sure what is best. Yesterday he was confident and direct. He said with no hesitation, "I've made my decision, and it's carbo." He said it in a way that implied the final decision is still mine, but clearly this is his recommendation.

Later in the conversation, he indirectly explained why.... Cancer has a language all its own. In chat rooms, women talk about mets (short for metastasis, or the spread of cancer within the body) or about NED, No Evidence of Disease.

Within the clinical setting, researchers use terms like DFS (Disease Free Survival) and OS (Overall Survival). One that took me a while to figure out is pCR, which means "pathological complete response." This describes a tumor that completely shrinks, literally melts completely away, because of the effects of chemo.

Three weeks ago, my oncologist finished treating a triple negative patient with the drugs he used on me in 2006 (TAC) and the carboplatin at the same time -- she has a pCR. A complete response to the chemo. Her tumor went completely away! This is "shout from the roof-top" type of news!

I believe my doctor saw the success of this drug for her, and has decided that it can have benefit for me as well. Each person is different -- her tumor may have been smaller than mine?; and she is BRAC1 positive wherease I am negative for this breast cancer gene -- but any measure of success in one person is hope for success in another!

Also, carboplatin is one of the drugs Kathy Miller suggested for me if I were to continue chemo. It just seems that many things point to this drug as being a reasonable choice.

Carbo has a "sister drug" (cisplatin) that my doctor told Paul about in July, and said then that he would chose cisplatin. Now my doctor has completely changed his opinion, and this has Paul understandably concerned. We asked the doctor about this yesterday. He said that carboplatin (the drug he is recommending now) is much more easily tolerated than the other. And he has seen the carboplatin work on his own patient -- no doubt, that is affecting his recommendation.

So nothing has been 100% decided, but I am warming up to the idea of carboplatin. It seems like a reasonable choice, and will hopefully be the last chemo I'll ever need to consider. That is a big wish, but God is big enough. I just keep telling myself that!