Two Years and Counting...

Today is my two year anniversary as a cancer survivor.

Two years might not sound like very long to some, but in the last two years we've brought home our puppy, Oreo.... we took a whirlwind vacation in Orlando... I started working at the library... Paul and Shane went with scouts to Boundary Waters.... Shane and Tyler have been on two mission trips.... Liam has learned to read and the older boys are both high school... and we've started, and almost finished, our cottage up north....

That is a lot of good living in the past two years, despite the trials of battling breast cancer. People comment on the positive attitude I seem to have, even with the cancer. But I look back on the last two years and consider what a shame it would be to waste them on feeling bitter or constantly upset. There are ups and downs of cancer treatment -- some physical and some emotional. There is no way to escape that. But at the same time, I believe that life has more blessings than curses, and that we sometimes have to make an intentional decision to find the good in life.

It has not been easy to deal with my cancer, twice in the past two years even. Just last week I sat in front of Dow High waiting for Shane, and I was quietly jealous of the moms who seemed to be so carefree in comparison to what I have to deal with. The ones who can sign up to volunteer at prom time, without wondering how they'll be feeling then. Etc., etc., etc. Those feelings are real, and I try to balance them. To let myself feel them for them a while, but then to pull myself back and focus -- to make a real effort to listen to what my kids and husband are saying, to focus on the blessings of the day at hand, to be grateful. It is a choice.

Paul deserves credit for keeping the boys' lives so much on track. When I was originally diagnosed, I wanted to pull them out of all of their activities. With both of us healthy and able, it was already hard for us to keep up with all of their activities. Knowing that I had chemo and surgery ahead, I couldn't see any way that we'd keep up at all. But Paul was adamant that their lives should be impacted as little as possible. With his determination and the support of family and friends, we were able to sustain the activities that are most important to each boy. Looking back on that decision, I see it as very wise and beneficial for our boys.

Cancer has helped Paul and I communicate better. Not perfectly, but better. I realize that we (I) have put too much emphasis on making our boys' lives happy/comfortable/memorable, and that our own relationship has often been neglected. That is a lesson that I think most couples learn much later in life, probably as "empty nesters." Paul and I have a strong relationship, but the cancer has caused us to cherish it more, and to begin to nurture it better. That is a good effect of a very bad disease.

Two years and counting... I'm looking forward to two more good years, and to many more after that. This is not a battle that I fight on my own -- I have many family and friends who love and support me. An encouraging and able medical team. And most importantly, I have my faith which sustains me. As the verse says: I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9