No More Chemo....

"No more chemo," says my oncologist. My body is saying, "Enough." That was his decision yesterday after reviewing my blood work.

The normal routine for a chemo visit is to have a blood draw, followed by a quick chat with the oncologist, and then off to what I affectionately call "the chair" for chemo drugs. It is a predictable routine. But yesterday, I was called back for a second blood draw -- it seemed that all of my blood levels were low, and they wanted to do a recheck before I saw the doctor.

The second draw was consistent with the first -- my blood is once again in crash mode: hemoglobin, red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets were all below acceptable levels. Even for an oncologist! This is what happened in October when I was hospitalized, but to a much less urgent degree. It confirms that carboplatin is most certainly what caused my problems then, and that it is not a good chemotherapy for me. (And that is too bad, because it is an effective and widely used chemotherapy).

The good news is that we are aware of my blood counts, and can monitor them before they become critical. Today, I am to get another complete blood count (CBC). If my numbers are on the rise, then the doctor will let me be and will have me checked again on Friday. The thinking in this case is that my body is building itself back up, and with time will recover on its own. If the blood count numbers are going down, then I'm definitely looking at a platelet infusion. Hopefully not a hospitalization again, but it is possible. I'm not sure if transfusions can be given on an out-patient basis?

Paul put the situation to words very accurately when he said it felt "unfinished" to just quit the chemotherapy altogether. My oncologist had originally wanted 4 doses of carboplatin for me, and we haven't even had 2 complete doses. My oncologist said that he views this as my body saying that it has had too much, and it is time to stop. He reiterated that I've been on chemo since June, and that I'm just not strong enough to continue.

It is important to remember that I've been on chemo all summer to fight the possibility of a cancer in my body. It would be much worse news to stop chemotherapy if I had a definitive tumor that we were fighting. I don't even think my oncologist would stop if cancer existed elsewhere in my body. But in my situation, he has an option -- one is to literally tear down my body with the chemo to fight something that might be there. The other is to respect my body's signals and acquiesce to "Enough is enough." He has chosen the latter. We have to find peace with that decision.

And to be honest, I am at peace. I am relieved to be off this merry-go-round of drugs, fatigue and worry. Being on chemotherapy makes me feel like a sick person. Like a patient. Like a victim. Now, I feel more empowered that I can be in control of what happens to my body. But it will mean major life style changes, and I won't accomplish them on my own. Old habits die hard.

First and foremost, cancer feeds on sugar. Sugar is to a cancer patient like beer or wine is to an alcoholic. I've read many understandable explanations of this point, but can't find one just now (when I need it!). But, trust me, it is true. And I LOVE sugar. To the point that avoiding it is one of the hardest life style changes I'll have to make. So, if you see me reaching for a dessert or a candy, please help me stick to this goal of giving up sugary foods.

Next, a link between obesity and a high fat diet with breast cancer (recurrence) has been found. Research further suggests that triple negative breast cancer patients who are obese and eat a high fat diet are at even a higher risk of recurrence. Guess what folks -- according to the body mass index (BMI), I am an obese adult. And a high fat diet? With kids living in the house? You betcha. Another life style change....

Normal, healthy cells need oxygen to thrive. Cancer cells, in comparison, hate oxygen. So, once my blood levels are good and healthy again, I'll need to get moving again. We have a treadmill that I used regularly before my cancer recurrence. It'll be hard to get back on the first few days, but I have learned from past experience that your body almost begins to crave exercise. One thing I have learned through my cancer experience is that our bodies are smart. And our bodies want to heal. Once we start to get rid of the junk in our lives (sugar, high fat foods, couch hugging), then our bodies begin to wake up and shout out to us, "Yes! More!"

I also have heard that meditation and stress reduction is important for cancer survivors, but I have more to learn about this.... Something to blog about in the future....

Finally (although it should be firstly), I know that I can accomplish none of this on my own strength. As I consider "life style changes," I need to get back in the habit of a daily quiet time and Bible reading. I did this pretty faithfully over the summer, and was so blessed by it. The week that I met with Dr. Miller (who gave me such a grim prognosis), Psalm 112:7 was stuck in my mind... It reads: He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting the Lord. I believe that God "gave" me that verse for that moment in my life -- He knew the news that Dr. Miller would have for me. But he wanted to remind me that my future is secure in Him, not in the prognosis of a doctor or a statistic. God has the right lifestyle plan for me. I don't believe that I can find it apart from Him.

So... "No more chemo." To me, that means closure for my treatment and freedom to take charge of my health. It does not mean that I am free of cancer. "Good people" die early just as much as "bad people" live long lives. There is no guarantee of tomorrow. Just a chance (a choice) to make the best of today. Choose wisely, my friend.