Two Steps Forward. One Step Back?

Two steps forward, one step back.... that is not a completely accurate description of my situation, but it is kind of on the mark. I guess my point is that I'm feeling much, much better (the 2 steps forward), but things still are not as they should be and I might still have to have a surgery (the one step back).

Since Wednesday, it is fair to say that this has been one of the busiest, most emotional weeks I have had in a long time. And it is only Saturday.

Without going into details, my family practice doctor did not understand the urgency of me having the IV antibiotics on a daily basis. I did get them each day, but I had to be very "persistent." I lost my spot on his office's "favorite patient" list.

Thursday was the hardest day. As the afternoon dragged out, it became clear to me that IV meds were not going to happen in Midland. My next option was to drive to Beaumont for the evening and get the meds down there. In situations like this, I make an effort to look for God. What is He doing? What do I need to be doing?

Part of that meant forgiving the doctor's office staff, and particularly one individual who was very insensitive and who played "gate keeper" between me and the doctor. I have decided to talk to the doctor on Monday about her comments toward me. That does not mean I have not forgiven her. Forgiveness is a choice we make. It is a heart decision. But the doctor needs to know how I was treated and by whom. I can talk to him in a non-vindictive way about his staff. I think that is being forgiving but also responsible.

The second "God finding" was the knowledge that God knew I needed the antibiotics and He knew the best way for me to get them. Even if that meant driving to Beaumont for the evening. It was a matter of turning the situation over to Him, and trusting Him for the outcome. Not easy to do when you are in a panic mode, but everything did work just fine. In fact, my Thursday meds were delivered in a new unit of the Midland hospital (Observation Unit) which was quiet and relaxing (only 2 patients), and I got to follow up with an old nursing friend, Joni. As it turned out, it was just what I needed that evening! Paul came by for part of the time (in between Liam's open house at school and Shane's hockey game). We both literally slept for about 30 minutes, the ward was so quiet and relaxing....

So, long story short.... the ER doctors "cultured" my blood and the area of the breast that has not been healing Wednesday night when we were there. We now know that my blood came back negative for bacteria (a very good thing!) and we know (to some extent) the bacteria that is causing my problem. They are doing further "sensitivity tests" to get more information about the bacteria.

I am now on one oral antibiotic and one IV antibiotic that is given two times per day. The IV antibiotic (and related equipment) have been delivered to our home, and the visiting nurse came this morning to train Paul. She'll come back tonight and perhaps tomorrow to train him further. As she was training Paul, I couldn't help wondering why he and I are having to go through this, and how God might someday use the experience? In the meantime, I've decided that at-home chemo is the only way to go!

Now the real issue is whether we can "save" my implant or whether I will need to have surgery to remove it (i.e. the infection cannot be defeated). I still have pain and swelling, but significantly less than when this all first started. That indicates that the antibiotics are doing some good, but we are not sure they will be able to do enough.

I don't really pray anymore for God to work situations out in a particular way; I've been disappointed too many times since the cancer became a reality. Now, I tend to pray for wisdom and strength in a given situation. I will be vigilant about my meds, hope for the best, but accept the outcome as things progress.